Just came back on here for old times sakes....life still sucks.It got a little better, but I almost killed myself over a guy I like....

Currently....

mood:      wearing:slipknot shirt,jeans   eating/drinking:nothing   listening to:Wicked Game by H.I.M.   thinking of:my stupid dumbass fucked up worthless shitty life

this SUCKS.moms too poor to afford a plumber guy or w/e to fix our sinks,so we have to wash the dishes in the basement tub.i had to clean the bathroom bcuz the stuff that was in the sink came up (it was like black gunk or sumthing).today juss sucked.

i had to go with my dad tonight.i hate saying hes my 'dad' tho.he tries to talk to me,but everytime i look at him,which is hard,i juss want to look him in the eye and ask him 'WHY?why did u choose beer over me?over ur kids?over ur wife?' everything would have been normal if he chose us and actually admitted he was an alcoholic.instead,whenever hes drunk hell call my mom and call her a crack addict and a heroin addict and all this other shit.

but i guess everything happens for a reason.if he never would have been a dick head,i never would have really liked good charlotte.i love them.a lot.a LOT.a L-O-T.im juss gonna put sum pics on here cuz im bored....

well i need to take a shower in my shitty ass shower....later....

mood:    weaering:my chemical romance shirt,blak pants,gc hoodie   eating/drinking:nothing   listening to:hold on by good charlotte   thinking of:life

im so saddddd.i was thinking of selling my ps2 for $100.i dont play video games nemore bcuz i cant even afford the cheap ones.so i never play,so i guess im gonna sell it.yet it still sux bcuz ill only have $100.and maybe $20 from the 2 games i have (i have the 2 tony hawk underground games).i would buy bondage pants,and maybe a level 27 hoodie,which boh cost $50!its not fair.id only have $20 then,so id mayb be able to buy a shirt too.i do need them (i only have 2 pairs of pants,so i need pants,and i only have 1 really good hoodie so i need a hoodie bcuz i wear them every day).so i might do that.damn.

i was really angry today too.this girl on the bus flicked this kid off,and i flicked her off (as a joke).shes cool.so i was joking around,and im like, 'ya i love my middle finger,flicking ppl off is fun'.then this 'so punk' (hes really emo or w/e) popular jackass said sumthing but i didnt hear.i knew it was bad bcuz every1 on the bus was like 'ooooooooo' like he said sumthing bad.i couldnt hear him tho bcuz i was listening to koRn really loud on my cd player (on the song right now).

i wanted to punch him so badly.it gets me so fucking mad.i just wish i could really beat them up one day,hurt THEM real  badly.sooooo many ppl make fun of me,and they juss think its so funny to piss me off bcuz im a freak.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

i also found out who told on me (for cutting myself).it was s***,megan and simone.my old best friends.jessi told me she was there,but not to tell nebody she told me.i asked them if they did it on purpose,in a mean way,or bcuz they actually cared.

they told on me on purpose.not bcuz they cared.

i tried to cut last night but i couldnt find a blade.of course.last night i had to put this antibiotic cream on my cut bcuz it was all itchy and open and gross.it wasnt like pussing all over, but it looked like it was about to.it freaked me out.it was on my other wrist (on my right bcuz ppl would notice if it was on my left).so mom came into the bathroom,and i juss said snuggles scratched me.well i guess she noticed sum old scars on my arm,and she was like 'r u sure thats from snuggles,or is that juss from u lesa'.i tried saying it was snuggles,but i dont think it worked.

at recess,we were in te gym,and steven was trying to make me laugh.so im like fine,if u wanna make me laugh,do an imitation of.....and i came up with a retard trying to have sex.he was making me laugh,then he was leaning against me n joking like he used to.but it juss made me sad again bcuz i kno hell only b my friend.it gets me so sad that hell prolly never like me that way.

but he really did make me laugh bcuz these guys were playing basketball,and he dropped on the floor and rolled around.it was confusing.it seemed like he was flirting with me,but everytime i get a friend to ask him to go out w/ me,hell say no.

heres how i felt today (all of my feelings):

                                     ^btw,franks hot

       <<<<<<yes

       ‹^› ‹(•_•)› ‹^›
~*GÇ_²mµ¢h²§å¥*~

p.s.i havent committed suicide YET bcuz im still waiting for that damn concert!

Currently...

mood:no pics here   wearing:MADE shirt,pj pants   eating/drinking:nothing   listening to:Homecoming:East 12th Street by Green Day   thinking of:my mom

i went over a friends house last night,and slept over.so my dad had to pick me up this morining,so i had to get up sooo fucking early (8 in the morning!).and its saturday.i was in a bad mood,and i couldnt find my eyeliner (thats a need!).so i was at my moms,waiting for my dad to pick me up,and i couldnt find my eyeliner.

i was getting really pissy (when im tired,ill get bitchy).so my mom got mad cuz i was in a bad mood.well sry.....but no.she SCREAMED at me how much of a bitch i wsa bcuz i couldnt find my eyeliner n shit,and shes look 'ooo look at meee im a bitch cuz i cant find my eyeliner'.

ooo i wanted to cut sooo badly,but nope.i have these itchy bumps around my cuts,so i stopped.i think it was bcuz this blade was like...i dunno.there r were these weird patches of stuff on it,so now i have a fucking rash on my arm.for all i kno, i could have an infection in one of my cuts.grrrr.

so after im like 'sry.u should kno that i like to sleep in on the weekends' and shes like 'well,if u act like that again ill sell ur good charlotte tickets'!!im like HELL no, so now i cant get in a bad mood nemore .

sry i havent updated in awhile.dont feel like it.im at my dads now,and im so fucking bored.theres NOTHING else to do.i watched fat albert.with joel .

thursday,i sat next to steven at recess (if u dont kno....i like him a LOT but he juss wants to b friends).he started rubbing my leg,like 2 times.i like it,but it gets me sad bcuz he still says he juss wants to b friends.then yesterday,stupid fucking michelle sat next to him,flirting with him and giggling with him,even tho she knos i really like him (ive liked him since second grade).she goes 'aahh AHH' in this REALLY annoying preppy voice,and i wanted to kick sum1 so badly.

dumbass nicole is friends with sara now,and we were saying how we wanted to do voodoo on her.nicoles a little spoiled bitch.shell brag about how she has 2 guitars,how her parents get her anything she wants.im not getting ANYTHING until my bday bcuz i have to pay for the good charlotte concert ().THIS is what i want (reallly badly) 4 my bday:

bondage pants (with hot pink!)

koRn,nirvana,silverchair,green day,lit shirt/hoodie

good charlotte young n hopeless hoodie

guitar (doubt it)

any of the cds i want

the used,him,happy bunny,nirvana,and the new gc poster

a lock necklace on those chains with a key

a new purse

the invader zim dvd

and nething else i want at hot topic (their r a million things)

i doubt ill even get half of it.my mom barely spent $70 on me for my bday last year,and my dad is 'o so poor now',yet he cant take ANY money out of his retirement account (he tells me he has $60,000 in his retirement account,yet he cant spend ANY of it,not even $100 on ME).it fucking SUCKS.

I WANT TO DIE SO FUCKING BADDDLLYYY.

im gonna go...nothin else to say.

Currently...

mood:<---that movie is sweet (girl,interrupted)(at least i do!)   wearing:young n hopeless shirt, jeans   drinking:nothin   eating:nothin   listening to:Falling Away by Good Charlotte   thinking of:this stalker

so im kinda in a good mood.sry i havent updated,i didnt feel like it this way.i cant believe im in skool....GRRRR.i hate it.i have art class first period now,and the art teacher is so fucking ANNOYING.

but i sit next to my old crush (adam),and hes really funny.i make fun of his hair....hes trying to do the whole 'skater shaggy hair look', but his hair is curly so it looks like a mini afro.me n christina call him chia pet.

ok.now i kno i need friends,but this girl alicia is so ANNOYING.she was wearing this good charlotte shirt (everytime she says it she acts all crazy and does the rock hand....believe me its A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G!).then nicole tells me how,b4 alicia met me,she hated good charlotte and called them posers (which is suprising,bcuz she is the biggest poser ever).first,she told me how she hated avril lavgine bcuz i said i did.i went over her house,and she has a fucking avril lavigne poster and her cd.im like,wtf? then i find out that she WORSHIPS avril,like she had posters of her in her fucking folder!its like,id like u better if ud tell me the truth.

so now,she calls me every day,asking me to come over.i feel bad,bcuz its kinda mean,but kinda not,but everytime she calls me,i make up excuses not to come over.then,after i didnt answer the fone (she called me 3 times in a row),SHE CAME OVER MY HOUSE!she lives a few blocks away,so she came over.

so,i had to make up an excuse (my mom wasnt their too help bcuz she knos i dont like her).

then today,she comes over my house with her brother (who had a big crush on me),and this other kid from skool.

shes juss so loud and rude and disgusting.yesterday,i said i would at least walk with her to her house.so she was gonna tell me this 'huge' secret (she had sex with another guy),and she was SHOUTING it,and their were all these ppl around.ugh.

in skool,this girl had her....period.so she needed a hoodie to cover it up,and i felt bad, even tho i never talked to her and if i do shes like,mean.but every1 else was like 'ugh....i feel sooooo bad'.i kinda did.but it wasnt my good charlotte hoodie,so i let her use it.that was fucking GROSS.

im not gonna add much more....here is a survey.....

do u
own a live strong: i did but i dont wear it
wear granny panties: no
make ur self throw up: nope
own a shopohalic book: no....
like the same sex: no
wear too much eyeliner: no i wear as much eyeliner as i want
wear wallabees: wut?
speak more than two lanuages: no
like pigs: sexy....no j/k

Are U
anorexic: no
a prep: no
bisexual: no
friends with a gay person: no
related to a gay person: i hope not....
a shopaholic: if i had money....i would b
an alabama fan: no.....
wearing sox: no
 
Can U
open a starburst with ur tounge: mayb...not wuickly tho
touch ur nose with ur tounge: nope
burp on command: ya
do the splits: no
put ur leg around ur neck: no
run fast:  not really

Three Names u Go By:
1. lesa
2. lesa
3. lesa

Three Screen names u had
1. iHeaRdU927
2. Level27MadeGrl9
3. GcTrublmaker1245Gc

three things u like about urself
1.nothing...
2. nothing
3. im funny (if im in a good mood)

three things u hate about urself
1. everything
2. everything
3. everything

Three Things that Scare(D) you
1.spiders
2. bugs
3. bugs

Three of ur everyday essentials
1.eyeliner
2. good charlotte cds
3.cd player

Things ur wearing rite now
1. pants w/ drawings on them
2. young n hopeless shirt
3. 2 blak jelly bracelets

Three of ur favorite bands (at the moment)
1. Good Charlotte
2. slipknot
3. silverchair

Three of ur favorite songs at presnt
1. change (gc)
2. young & hopeless (gc)
3. three nil (slipknot)

Three New Things You want to try in the next 12 months
1. go to 2 gc concerts (im already going to 1!)
2. save up for a guitar
3. get a fucking GUITAR (i was supposed to get it today but i DIDNT)

Three Things u Want in a realitionship
1. IF im ever in one....uhhh.....same interests
2. trust
3. uhhhh...honesty i guess....i really dont kno

Two Truths and A Lie
1. i luv poptarts (especially brown sugar!)
2. if im bored,i write on my fav. jeans.they have about 20 bands on them now,and sum other stuff
3. hilary duff is the bet singer ever (that was the lie)

o and i forgot....I GOT GOOD CHARLOTTE TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MAY 10TH!